In Full Bloom

              On my birthday this year I promised myself that 28 would be a BIG year for me -- a time of intense transformation, growth, and transition. 28, just shy of 30. Most people treat 30 like it's a big deal, but this 2 and 8 thing together has me all jazzed up. I wanna be starting something...gotta be starting something. Now, don't get it twisted, I've certainly started and achieved some pretty cool things these past 28.75 years...but, I still haven't found what I'm looking for...I'm still not the best version of myself that I could be in this moment.

             And, that's simply something I can't reconcile -- mentally, emotionally, spiritually. So, instead of spending much more of my life than necessary walking around feeling like I've a huge, gaping void between my shoulder blades, I've decided to do some shit about that. Here's a couple of things that have gotten me started, and in no semblance of order:

       - Knowing that I will spend the rest of my life learning about pottery and other arts. Making time for these activities that are a form of meditation and relaxation. Starting and investing (with some help from some wonderful people along the way!) a successful business: Earthware Pottery and Glass. Of the many gifts pottery has given me, I understand that this journey is very much a study in the art of letting go.

       - Regularly juicing fruits and veggies -- this has completely changed my relationship with food in so many positive ways.

      - Continuing my literary education -- at my own pace. I set reading lists for myself and read for 20-40 minutes almost every night. Also, this blog project is an effort to get myself to write more. In highschool I filled books, and seemingly endless pages with the full spectrum of my thoughts and feelings. But, I have lost touch with that voice. And, lately I have felt such a strong urge to try and re-claim it. And, for fuck's sake, I'm a writing teacher, English 101 and 102 who doesn't really write that much. For shame. Things have to be shaken up! 

       - My husband and I agreed to really put in an effort to clearly communicate with and support each other to help keep our relationship thriving.

...there are probably some other things, too, but they aren't coming to mind. Those are all great things to be doing, but the point is -- they're not enough. Whatever I do, it's not enough.

          I have something to admit -- most importantly to myself -- and then to anyone reading this: I am 28 years old -- intelligent, capable, hardworking, reasonably attractive, and pretty creative, but I have yet to learn how to fully accept and love myself. This year of my life, however, is the year I will be IN FULL BLOOM...


 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xg0AsWruz4k


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSv-lKwOQvE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2084nQbmvk

lake-ly

How could I ever remove myself
From the ebb and flow
The rolling, cresting, and
                      Receding?
The charging, racing foam
The craggy, ragged
Lines of shore --
Which seem to
Change -- just when
They begin to offer
Comfort.
Teaching me "trust"
Means different things
Depending on the context.
I so feel the tug
Of your siren song,
And with or without your
Conscious will or knowledge
The necessity
You've become.
Ceaselessly.
Sometimes only a whisper,
and others a deafening roar.
Your presence
                       (Your absence)
--Both undeniable.
Slipping/sliding/curling.
Frothing/foaming/spilling/
Swirling/coming/
Going...